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Emotional Intelligence 2.0

Compiled by Chuck Olson

Title: Emotional Intelligence 2.0

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Author: Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves

Copyright Date: 2008

Your EQ is the foundation for a host of critical skills—it impacts most everything you say and do each day. EQ is so critical to success that it accounts for 58 percent of performance in all types of jobs. It’s the single biggest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence.

Got your attention?

Those provocative words come from Emotional Intelligence 2.0, written by Travis Bradberry and Jean Greaves. The pages of this must-read book are filled with equally insightful inputs about not only the essential nature of EQ, but also how to gain ground in being an emotionally intelligent leader.

Take a look at these Book Notes and you will quickly see why this book is required reading for every leader who wants to be better.

Signature Chuck

Book Description:

In today’s fast-paced world of competitive workplaces and turbulent economic conditions, each of us is searching for effective tools that can help us to manage, adapt, and strike out ahead of the pack.

By now, emotional intelligence (EQ) needs little introduction—it’s no secret that EQ is critical to your success. But knowing what EQ is and knowing how to use it to improve your life are two very different things.

Emotional Intelligence 2.0 delivers a step-by-step program for increasing your EQ via four, core EQ skills that enable you to achieve your fullest potential:

  1. Self-Awareness
  2. Self-Management
  3. Social Awareness
  4. Relationship Management

Book Quotes: 

The physical pathway for emotional intelligence starts in the brain, at the spinal cord. Your primary senses enter here and must travel to the front of your brain before you can think rationally about your experience. But first they travel through the limbic system, the place where emotions are experienced. Emotional intelligence requires effective communication between the rational and emotional centers of the brain. LOCATION: 247

When emotional intelligence was first discovered, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with the highest levels of intelligence (IQ) outperform those with average IQs just 20 percent of the time, while people with average IQs outperform those with high IQs 70 percent of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into what many people had always assumed was the source of success—IQ. Scientists realized there must be another variable that explained success above and beyond one’s IQ, and years of research and countless studies pointed to emotional intelligence (EQ) as the critical factor. LOCATION: 250

The first major step in your journey to a higher EQ is to go online and take the new edition of the Emotional Intelligence Appraisal® test. LOCATION: 278

Considering the range of emotions people express, it’s no wonder they can get the better of us. We have so many words to describe the feelings that surface in life, yet all emotions are derivations of five core feelings: happiness, sadness, anger, fear, and shame. As you move through your daily routine—whether you’re working, spending time with family or friends, eating, exercising, relaxing, or even sleeping—you are subject to a constant stream of emotions. LOCATION: 310

Emotional intelligence is your ability to recognize and understand emotions in yourself and others, and your ability to use this awareness to manage your behavior and relationships. Emotional intelligence is the “something” in each of us that is a bit intangible. It affects how we manage behavior, navigate social complexities, and make personal decisions that achieve positive results. LOCATION: 335

Emotional intelligence taps into a fundamental element of human behavior that is distinct from your intellect. There is no known connection between IQ and EQ; you simply can’t predict EQ based on how smart someone is. Cognitive intelligence, or IQ, is not flexible. Your IQ, short of a traumatic event such as a brain injury, is fixed from birth. You don’t get smarter by learning new facts or information. Intelligence is your ability to learn, and it’s the same at age 15 as it is at age 50. EQ, on the other hand, is a flexible skill that can be learned. While it is true that some people are naturally more emotionally intelligent than others, a high EQ can be developed even if you aren’t born with it. LOCATION: 338

EQ is a flexible skill, while personality does not change. IQ, EQ, and personality assessed together are the best way to get a picture of the whole person. LOCATION: 349

IQ, personality, and EQ are distinct qualities we all possess. Together, they determine how we think and act. It is impossible to predict one based upon another. People may be intelligent but not emotionally intelligent, and people of all types of personalities can be high in EQ and/or IQ. Of the three, EQ is the only quality that is flexible and able to change. LOCATION: 353

How much of an impact does EQ have on your professional success? The short answer is: a lot! It’s a powerful way to focus your energy in one direction with a tremendous result. We’ve tested EQ alongside 33 other important skills and found that it subsumes the majority of them, including time management, decision-making, and communication. Your EQ is the foundation for a host of critical skills—it impacts most everything you say and do each day. EQ is so critical to success that it accounts for 58 percent of performance in all types of jobs. It’s the single biggest predictor of performance in the workplace and the strongest driver of leadership and personal excellence. LOCATION: 357

No matter whether people measure high or low in EQ, they can work to improve it, and those who score low can actually catch up to their co-workers. Research conducted at the business school at the University of Queensland in Australia discovered that people who are low in EQ and job performance can match their colleagues who excel in both—solely by working to improve their EQ. LOCATION: 368

Personal competence is your ability to stay aware of your emotions and manage your behavior and tendencies. Social competence is made up of your social awareness and relationship management skills; social competence is your ability to understand other people’s moods, behavior and motives in order to improve the quality of your relationships. LOCATION: 388

The four skills that together make up emotional intelligence. The top two skills, self-awareness and self-management, are more about you. The bottom two skills, social awareness and relationship management, are more about how you are with other people. LOCATION: 395

Self-awareness is your ability to accurately perceive your own emotions in the moment and understand your tendencies across situations. LOCATION: 399

Self-awareness is not about discovering deep, dark secrets or unconscious motivations, but, rather, it comes from developing a straightforward and honest understanding of what makes you tick. People high in self-awareness are remarkably clear in their understanding of what they do well, what motivates and satisfies them, and which people and situations push their buttons. LOCATION: 408

Self-management is what happens when you act—or do not act. It is dependent on your self-awareness and is the second major part of personal competence. Self-management is your ability to use your awareness of your emotions to stay flexible and direct your behavior positively. LOCATION: 469

As the first component of social competence, social awareness is a foundational skill. Social awareness is your ability to accurately pick up on emotions in other people and understand what is really going on with them. This often means perceiving what other people are thinking and feeling even if you do not feel the same way. LOCATION: 531

Listening and observing are the most important elements of social awareness. To listen well and observe what’s going on around us, we have to stop doing many things we like to do. LOCATION: 536

Though relationship management is the second component of social competence, this skill often taps into your abilities in the first three emotional intelligence skills: self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. Relationship management is your ability to use your awareness of your own emotions and those of others to manage interactions successfully. LOCATION: 595

Information travels between the rational and emotional centers of your brain much as cars do on a city street. When you practice EQ skills, the traffic flows smoothly in both directions. Increases in the traffic strengthen the connection between the rational and emotional centers of your brain. Your EQ is greatly affected by your ability to keep this road well traveled. The more you think about what you are feeling—and do something productive with that feeling—the more developed this pathway becomes. LOCATION: 670

Simply put, to be self-aware is to know yourself as you really are. LOCATION: 762

When you don’t take time out to notice and understand your emotions, they have a strange way of resurfacing when you least expect or want them to. It’s their way of trying to bring something important to your attention. They will persist, and the damage will mount, until you take notice. LOCATION: 769

SELF-AWARENESS STRATEGIES

  1. Quit Treating Your Feelings as Good or Bad
  2. Observe the Ripple Effect from Your Emotions
  3. Lean into Your Discomfort
  4. Feel Your Emotions Physically
  5. Know Who and What Pushes Your Buttons
  6. Watch Yourself Like a Hawk
  7. Keep a Journal about Your Emotions
  8. Don’t Be Fooled by a Bad Mood
  9. Don’t Be Fooled by a Good Mood, Either
  10. Stop and Ask Yourself Why You Do the Things You Do
  11. Visit Your Values
  12. Check Yourself
  13. Spot Your Emotions in Books, Movies, and Music
  14. Seek Feedback
  15. Get to Know Yourself under Stress
    LOCATION: 778

Since emotions are the primary drivers of your behavior, it’s important you understand the effect they have on other people. LOCATION: 816

The biggest obstacle to increasing your self-awareness is the tendency to avoid the discomfort that comes from seeing yourself as you really are. Things you do not think about are off your radar for a reason: they can sting when they surface. Avoiding this pain creates problems, because it is merely a short-term fix. You’ll never be able to manage yourself effectively if you ignore what you need to do to change. LOCATION: 834

When you experience an emotion, electric signals course through your brain and trigger physical sensations in your body. The physical sensations can be as varied as your stomach muscles tightening, your heart rate increasing, your breathing quickening, or your mouth going dry. Because your mind and body are so tightly connected, one of the most effective ways to understand your emotions as they are happening is to learn how to spot the physical changes that accompany your emotions. LOCATION: 857

We all have buttons—pet peeves, triggers, whatever you want to call them—that, when pushed, just irritate and irk us until we want to scream. LOCATION: 873

Even though you are not a hawk, you can still develop a more objective understanding of your own behavior. You can practice by taking notice of your emotions, thoughts, and behaviors right as the situation unfolds. In essence, the goal is to slow yourself down and take in all that is in front of you, allowing your brain to process all available information before you act LOCATION: 902

The biggest challenge to developing self-awareness is objectivity. It’s hard to develop perspective on your emotions and tendencies when every day feels like a new mountain to climb. With a journal, you can record what events triggered strong emotions in you and how you responded to them. LOCATION: 921

Self-awareness is the process of getting to know yourself from the inside out and the outside in. The only way to get the second, more elusive perspective is to open yourself up to feedback from others, which can include friends, coworkers, mentors, supervisors, and family. LOCATION: 1025

Whether you are overcome by anxiety and stress because of a looming deadline, or fixated on negative thoughts and feelings about something that happened in the past, making yourself breathe right calms you down and makes you feel better by powering up your rational brain. LOCATION: 1118

Research suggests the average person has about 50,000 thoughts every day. Sound like a lot? It doesn’t stop there. Every time one of those 50,000 thoughts takes place, chemicals are produced in your brain that can trigger reactions felt throughout your body. There is a strong relationship between what you think and how you feel, both physically and emotionally. Because you are always thinking (much like breathing), you tend to forget that you are doing it. You likely don’t even realize how much your thoughts dictate how you feel every hour of every single day. LOCATION: 1235

Self-management requires patience, flexibility, and alertness, which are the first things to go when you don’t get a good night’s sleep. LOCATION: 1283

Social awareness is centered on your ability to recognize and understand the emotions of others. LOCATION: 1414

Greeting someone by name is one of the most basic and influential social awareness strategies you can adopt. It’s a personal and meaningful way to engage someone. LOCATION: 1454

A back-pocket question is what you use just in case to bail you out of any awkward silence or uncomfortable moment. This social awareness strategy buys you time so you can get to know someone better and shows the other person that you are interested in his or her thoughts, feelings, and ideas. It can be something like: “What do you think about [fill in blank]?” LOCATION: 1513

Social awareness requires that you live in the moment as naturally as a child does, so you can notice what’s happening with others right now. LOCATION: 1588

Here’s how you can catch the mood of the room. When you enter the room, scan it and notice whether you feel and see energy or quiet, subdued calm. Take notice of how people are arranging themselves—alone or in groups. Are they talking and moving their hands? Are some more animated than others? What is your gut telling you about them? LOCATION: 1757

Working on a relationship takes time, effort, and know-how. The know-how is emotional intelligence. If you want a relationship that has staying power and grows over time, and in which your needs and the other person’s needs are satisfied, the final EQ skill—relationship management—is just what the doctor ordered. LOCATION: 1774

You use your self-awareness skills to notice your feelings and judge if your needs are being satisfied. You use your self-management skills to express your feelings and act accordingly to benefit the connection. Finally, you use your social awareness skills to better understand the other person’s needs and feelings. LOCATION: 1778

Maintaining relationships may not be on your job description and may not have even been discussed, but for you to be successful, being open and curious is absolutely, unequivocally part of your job. LOCATION: 1809

You confuse and frustrate others when you say one thing and your body or tone say another. Over time, this confusion will cause communication issues that will affect your relationships. To resolve the mixed signal issue, use your self-awareness skills to identify your emotions, and use your self-management skills to decide which feelings to express and how to express them. LOCATION: 1856

Trust is something that takes time to build, can be lost in seconds, and may be our most important and most difficult objective in managing our relationships. LOCATION: 1909

Anger is an emotion that exists for a reason—anger is not an emotion to stifle or ignore. If you manage it properly and use it purposefully, you can get results that enhance your relationships. Really. LOCATION: 1947

For the titles of director and above, scores descend faster than a snowboarder on a black diamond. CEOs, on average, have the lowest EQ scores in the workplace. LOCATION: 2284

A leader’s primary function is to get work done through people. You might think, then, that the higher the position, the better the people skills. It appears the opposite is true. Too many leaders are promoted because of what they know or how long they have worked, rather than for their skill in managing others. Once they reach the top, they actually spend less time interacting with staff. Yet among executives, those with the highest EQ scores are the best performers. We’ve found that EQ skills are more important to job performance than any other leadership skill. The same holds true for every job title: those with the highest EQ scores within any position outperform their peers. LOCATION: 2288

Note: should you wish to find any quote in its original context, the Kindle “location” is provided after each entry.

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Chuck

Chuck Olson

Serving as a pastor and leadership coach for over forty years, Chuck has a track record of building into the lives of both ministry and marketplace leaders. As founder and president of Lead With Your Life, he is passionate about empowering Kingdom leaders to lead from the inside out.

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